Desperate Housewives Episodes

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So here we are at the season finale, and I think Desperate Housewives did an admirable job of tying up many loose narrative plot strings, while still leaving us wanting more, what with a clever epilogue that fast-forwarded five years into the future. I apologize in advance for posting this much later than usual, but with a jam-packed two hours to cover and some unforeseen technical difficulties (my Internet went out at the worst possible moment!), it was a long night. I also want to thank you for generally being very nice to me these last few weeks. You made it all a lot of fun!

Katherine (from the Greek, meaning “purity”)

So we finally know the secret!

Dylan I: The Phantom Menace accidentally died when a heavy armoire tipped over on her. Katherine and her aunt Lily decided to take the popular Wisteria Lane justice-circumvention route and bury the body in the woods, and get the heck out of Dodge. Katherine then adopted parentless Dylan II: The Sequel –- conveniently a spitting image of and the same age as her predecessor — from a Romanian orphanage, hence her DNA dissonance from Wayne and her lack of memory about her childhood. One quibble: Dylan II, who looked to be about 4 in the orphanage scene, presumably had to learn a second language –- wouldn’t she remember that?

But never mind. Katherine’s fierce guarding of this most interesting of secrets (she even lied to Adam) cracked under the pressure of an increasingly homicidal Wayne, who needed Katherine to fill in the missing pieces. What to do? Oh, I know: kidnap and torture poor Adam! Yes, Nathan Fillion –- whose role was probably cut short by the strike –- returned to save the day. But this time knocking Wayne out wasn’t enough for Katherine. She shot the bastard dead, which would have been problematic, had her fellow Housewives not stretched the truth for police, nabbing her a neatly rendered self-defense verdict.

One question remains, of course: What was all that about Cousin Tim witnessing Wayne’s “murder”? In retrospect, I guess it was just meant to serve as a fake-out, to keep us all off the trail of Dylan I’s accidental death. I wonder if we’ll ever see Pervy Hottie Taxman Tim again.

But so ends this season’s big mystery, which will perhaps go down as Housewives‘ best executed. Props, of course, go to Dana Delany for crafting a juicy character of equal parts sweetness, wit, obsessiveness, scheming, and vulnerability (ah, that crumple-cry face!).

Five Years Later: Katherine gets to play poker with the ladies! Yay! We see her get a cheerful call from Dylan, who had just returned from Paris, where she got engaged to “Bradley.” We don’t know if Katherine is still with Adam, but seriously, if I were Adam, I’d run for the hills.

Lynette (from English, meaning “lake”)

This week’s episode acknowledged something I’ve been saying for a few weeks: Lynette is a terrible mother. Yes, Kayla is a terrible child, but Lynette is the grown-up, and should have known better. But no. Instead, she’s thrown in jail when Kayla burns herself with a curling iron.

It’s Tom who comes to the rescue. First, he entraps his daughter into admitting she made it all up, and she is promptly shipped off to live with her grandparents. It’s kind of a tidy resolution to a story that could have been something much more complicated and interesting if Kayla had been a touch less evil and Lynette a touch more loving. I would have liked to have seen how they actually worked it out. Instead, I guess I’m glad that Kayla is gone, if only because now I anxiously await the episode next season when a 16(?)-year-old Kayla resurfaces with all that pre-teen angst in full swing and ready to wreak more havoc!

Tom also redeemed himself by declaring his undying devotion to Lynette in the process of reuniting the squabbling Bob and Lee, whose commitment ceremony served as the set piece for this episode’s big finale. Tom warned them not to sweat the small stuff (Lee thought the cherub ice sculpture Bob wanted looked like a “giant, icy slap in the face”) because true love is about when things –- a tornado, cancer -– get much, much worse.

Five Years Later: Lynette’s future-present indicates that perhaps her parenting skills haven’t improved. It seems that Preston has boosted a car and taken it for a joyride, an offense that his twin Porter has already committed, which landed him in juvie for a stint. To quote Matt Dillon in There’s Something About Mary, I love those goofy bastards!

Bree (an Irish word meaning “power”)

OK, so we kind of knew that Bree was going to get back together with Orson, but how did that “happen”? Well, we still don’t really know, but this episode showed Orson doing his hangdog best to prove to Bree that he was worthy of her love -– even if he did attempt to kill a neighbor!

When Reverend Michael Green returns from a missionary tour of duty in North Korea, Bree welcomes him home as any kiss-ass parishioner would, over pizza at Scavo’s. But! The militant minister (shades of Brando in Apocalypse Now) comes on to her! He claims that he has had feelings for her “since Palm Sunday 1996, [when they] both reached for the same frond.” Ha!

It’s Orson who defends her honor with the dastardly rev, who was planning to out Bree as a “flame-haired jezebel” in front of the entire congregation.

Crazy OCD Bree was on full display tonight, as she singlehandedly catered the same-sex nuptials, since Katherine was off being held hostage and watching her life fall apart. There were some funny control-freak Bree moments, which were nicely balanced by the image of a grease-stained, de-coiffed Bree pushing a quickly melting ice sculpture in a baby carriage alongside the highway when both her cell phone and one of her car’s tires went kaput. Again, Orson comes to her rescue, but falls short of actually getting back in the house. Bree stands firm on her demand that he turn himself in to the authorities. He refuses, and then, as Bree puts it: There they are.

Bree also had the misfortune to end up Wayne’s second hostage, which also means she’s the only Housewife who knows Katherine’s secret. While the police investigation seems to be resolved, I’m guessing that this shared secret will deepen their friendship, and these two ladies will be slinging both hash in their catering business and lead at the firing range together for many years to come.

Five Years Later: As I mentioned, Orson is back in the house, prepping a bubble bath for a gussied-up Bree, who has apparently published a cookbook about to be reviewed by the New York Times. It was a nice surprise to see an all-grown-up Andrew acting as his mom’s right-hand man. Not a surprise: No sight of Invisible Benjamin Hodge!

Gabrielle (from the Hebrew, meaning “God is my strength”):

The inevitable sting operation came to a head tonight, when Ellie’s supplier showed up just as the cops finished bugging the Solis’ house. When Gaby and the cop’s tech guy got caught in Ellie’s bedroom installing the bugs, Gaby hilariously covered by claiming that he was her handyman and that she was having an affair with him. When things get boring, “a little greasy, disgusting handyman really hits the spot,” she claims.

When the cops finally moved in to arrest Ellie, Gaby, who still has a soft spot for the in-house narcotics trafficker, tipped Ellie off, allowing her to run. This week’s Solis Ethical Challenge came in the form of $118,000 that Gaby found stashed in Ellie’s teddy bear, and that Gaby and Carlos decided to keep in order to stave off their impending poverty. In the hubbub, the cops never seemed to have found out about the money, and…

Also, Ellie is dead. Wayne shot her when she had the misfortune to choose the Mayfair house as a hideout, walking in on his hostage scenario.

Five Years Later: A de-glammed Gaby, who had ironically claimed earlier in the episode that she and Carlos would never have kids (”shoes are my kids”), has kids! Two squishy, mischievous moppets who like playing with Mommy’s makeup and her Vera Wang dresses. I, for one, can’t wait to see Eva Longoria tackle motherhood.

Susan (the Greek form of the Hebrew name Shoshannah, meaning “lily”)

Susan and Mike squabbled about naming the baby, which created some great comedy among the ladies when they heard Mike wanted to name Baby Delfino Maynard, after his late grandfather (late as of that day, in fact). “Which says ‘kick my ass’ more? May or Nerd?” Lynette asks. Bree suggests that Maynard doesn’t match Delfino because “one is German and the other is Italian, and we all know what happens when those folks get together.” As an Italian-American (I know I sound like a leprechaun, but my mom is Neopolitan), I am officially amused, er, offended.

Gaby emphasizes that a kid’s name determines his future. “If my parents didn’t name me Gabrielle, who knows if I’d be this pretty?” she asks, and she’s serious. So Susan does what only Susan thinks is a good idea: She changes the baby’s legal name to Conner without telling Mike, until he, of course, catches her in yet another hare-brained scheme. Ultimately, though, we find out that Grandpa Maynard was some kind of saint, having integrated the school system and taken in Mike when his dad went to the slammer.

Also: Julie got into Princeton, and had to report to school early to do something-or-other-plot-device with a famous professor who liked her senior thesis. This development allowed it to make sense that Julie would be leaving to go to college in May, leading to a sweet scene between Andrea Bowen and Teri Hatcher, as Susan confesses that she is having a hard time letting her go. Despite Julie’s minimal screen time, Bowen and Hatcher have always had great chemistry, and if a growed-up Julie isn’t back next season, I will miss her.

Five Years Later: Susan enters her house and says, “Honey, I’m home,” but the “honey” in question is in fact Gale Harold (Queer As Folk) and not Hottie Plumber Mike Delfino. I hadn’t any idea that my complaints about James Denton would lead to this. Wow! This development puts Susan front and center for what is sure will be next season’s central storyline.

Obviously, a lot of questions here:

1. Will the cops find out about Ellie’s secret cash stash?

2. What do we want to see Katherine Mayfair get up to now that her mystery has been solved? My suggestion: some light physical comedy. Katherine needs a break!

3. Do you think Orson went to jail? If yes, what is his prison tattoo? My guess: The Brooks Brothers logo.

4. Did that glimpse of Serious Businessman Andrew make you as curious as I am to see what the Wisteria Kidz are like all growed up?

5. Will Gaby make a better mom than Lynette?

6. Where’s Edie? Do you think she’s been gone from Wisteria Lane during the intervening five years?

7. What the heck happened to Mike Delfino? Would you like to see James Denton remain on the show, even if he is apparently no longer with Susan?

8. What in the name of Minnie Pearl was Mrs. McCluskey wearing on her head at the wedding?

Missed the season finale? Catch up by Downloading full episodes of Desperate Housewives in our Online Video Guide.

source: http://tvguide.com

Photos copyright 2008 ABC, Inc.